απαρνουμαι με - I Deny Myself (Me)

Last year around this time, I decided to get a tattoo on my chest saying "απαρνουμαι με" (refer to the picture). It means "I deny myself" or "I deny me" and comes from Mark 8:34 which says, And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

I love this tatt and it has been a good reminder for myself to daily take up my cross and follow Jesus every time I look in the mirror. And whenever a Christian sees it and asks what it means, they understand it immediately. The whole meaning of it sinks into them and they get it! Although it has prompted gospel conversations with non-Christians, I realised recently that I do a really poor job in explaining what it really means to me. When they ask me what it means to deny yourself, I usually opt out and say "It's a Christian thing". Sometimes something that simple opens opportunities to talk about Spiritual things, sometimes it doesn't...in the end, whatever happens, happens. But I'm just so dissatisfied with my answer. It just seems so...careless...so I decided I will put thought into this and spew here :)

As a person, one thing that has become so apparent to me is how much I love myself. Sure, I may not seem like the most self-centred person you know, but I think selfishness can manifest itself in many different ways. Okay, just to be clear, I think there is a difference between caring for yourself and being selfish. It is important to care and love yourself, but when that is the most important thing and other people or things around you matter less, it becomes selfish, in my opinion. As a Christian, it becomes difficult. There's this constant struggle of you wanting to do whatever you feel like and you wanting to do what God wants, because you love him (John 14:23). To be clear, I am not saved/a Christian because of what I do or how I love; I am a Christian because of what Christ has done for me. He took the punishment I deserved and I believe in Him as my Lord and Saviour. To really believe this, you sort of have to love him...haha and it is because I love him that I strive onwards to be more like him. Also, as Christians, we are not called to be perfect...that is impossible...we are called to strive towards it (Philippians 3:12) and follow Christ (Mark 8:34)...not impossible but still difficult. To make an analogy about this tension i was talking about earlier, when you are married or dating or even just have a close friend or pet you love, you won't just do whatever you feel like. You will consider their thoughts and express your love for them by putting their needs ahead of yours...it's that deep sacrificial love I'm talking about. It's not easy to always love...it's hard and it takes effort. Loving when things are good is easy. Still loving someone after they hurt you or if you just aren't feeling it...unconditional, sacrificial love...is hard. I don't just randomly love God, I love him because he first loved me...he sacrificed himself  for me when he died on the cross for me even when I did not deserve it (Romans 5:8). That is the kind of love I am called to as a Christian. I am called to love him and others around me with that love (Matthew 22:36-40). 

In a recent My Utmost for His Highest post, Chambers says, "The passion of Christianity comes from deliberately signing away my own rights and becoming a bondservant of Jesus Christ." This reminds me so much of my tattoo and 1 Corinthians 9, when Paul says how he lays down his rights for the gospel! This is so important when it comes to being a Christian but also one of the hardest things to me. This tattoo is meant to be a reminder to me of what I mean when I say that I am a Christian...and how I should be living...Denying myself, putting God and others before me, and living a life of humility. The Bible talks about Christ's humility in Philippians 2:1-11 and essentially defines humility as considering other's interests, and putting them ahead of your own interests. I believe one aspect of love is expressed through being humble.

This tattoo is a reminder for me to take my faith seriously. It is a reminder to deny myself and take up my cross. It is a reminder to love God and others. It is a reminder to be humble. It is a reminder to rely on his help instead of my own. It is a reminder for me to press on and not live a nominal Christian life. It is a reminder to be disciplined.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."

I know my thoughts were kind of jumbled, but I hope you got the gist :)