Today I was pretty alone at home and had a lot of time to myself! Sort of just chilling, making food for tonight and working out! The more I am alone, the more bored I get! haha my mind actually sort of goes crazy! and then I realized that sometimes, I depend on others to find joy! or I depend on others to feel good! Just really trying to learn to have full satisfaction in Him! It's hard, but I know that it's something worth working towards! I don't really know where to start, except through more alone time with Him and more prayer time! And I guess just learning to wait on God again! I used to literally just spend an hour or somethign a day listening to Christian music on a sofa/bed or even in silence, praying and relaxing! It could be mistaken as sleeping sometimes, but it was great! I hope I can do something like that again! just being fully satisfied in His presence and not desiring anything else!
Sometimes, I do realize that because my desires for things on earth, I get bored of God, or I just get tired of thinking about Him and I wanna do something else! whereas if i just started a new tv series, I can probably watch it for literally half a day (12 hrs) haha i guess I'll feel pretty brain-fried after that, but that desireee... "to live is Christ, to die is gain"...Can I actually say those words? I WANT to, but when I look at my life, it does not reflect that!! 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my
weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Man, this is what I strive for! it is hard, and almost weird cos you don't really know where to start. From experience, I've learned one of the best places to start is on your knees...
Prayer: That Christ would be the one thing in my life that I desire the most! That everything else on this earth would seem meaningless compared to knowing Him! That my life would reflect 2 Corinthians 12:9! and that God would continue humbling me, and reminding me of how much I need Him.
Smile :)
Jireh!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
GRM Day 4: May 8, small things
Today God's been teaching me how to have joy in the small things in life! Nice weather, awesome friends, running, being outside, working out, spending time with close friends and just treasuring the small and large things in life! God has made everything and it is all wonderful and beautiful! God created my friendships, he created the world, he created love...everything...and it is all so beautiful and great!
Today, I was humbled lol my running is terrible! pros to being 215lbs is I can lift heavy, cons: CAN'T RUN! even tho I couldn't run, I enjoyed it esp cos I was doing it with on my most dear friends! :) I need to train all parts of my fitness!
Prayer: To have joy in the small things! and to live life with a thankful heart!! and being continually reminded of the gospel! Col 1:27b (christ in you, the hope of glory) That I would find all hope of glory in Christ and that the taste of the hope to come is greater than anything this world can offer me!
Today, I was humbled lol my running is terrible! pros to being 215lbs is I can lift heavy, cons: CAN'T RUN! even tho I couldn't run, I enjoyed it esp cos I was doing it with on my most dear friends! :) I need to train all parts of my fitness!
Prayer: To have joy in the small things! and to live life with a thankful heart!! and being continually reminded of the gospel! Col 1:27b (christ in you, the hope of glory) That I would find all hope of glory in Christ and that the taste of the hope to come is greater than anything this world can offer me!
GRM: Day 3, May 7, Faith, trust, surrendering
Mann, today God has really been teaching me the value of patience and trust in him!!! Sometimes I really want to have control of a situation and I realize that it means it's because I have a lack of trust in God!
Recently, I've discovered that I am a relatively emotional individual!... growing up with a fairly emotional family and having emotional close friends, made me seem not too caring about things.. or just more laid back and stuff.. but i realized, that when something I really really care about is out of my control, that is when I get emotional! Recently a friend rebuked me! She was telling me how that just shows that I lack faith in God! When I first heard that from her, I was confused... I was like (in my head) "Faith is one of my strengths!" at least when it comes to just surrendering things to God! But after i sat down and thought about it more, my pride broke down and I realized how truly correct she was! I realized that those things I care about the MOST, I should leave in God's hands and surrender!! What is the point of worrying about them?! Nothing that I do will fix or make things better! Everything is in God's control! I realized the smaller things I had "faith" in wasn't really faith! If I don't care a lot about it in the first place, giving/surrendering it to God isn't a big deal!.. it's not even faith!... its apathy! In the same way how sacrifice isn't sacrifice unless it's something valuable! or how lost isn't lost unless it's valuable! I hope that makes sense!
so yah, I've really been learning to give up the thigns I value in my life to God... this doesn't mean I don't care about it, but rather, knowing fully that God is working and everything is under His control. Everything I have is His and the Lord gives and He takes away!
Here's an excerpt from "My utmost for His highest" that really spoke to me
"We are living in a time of tremendous enterprises, a time when we are trying to work for God, and that is where the trap is. Profoundly speaking, we can never work for God. Jesus, as the Master Builder, takes us over so that He may direct and control us completely for His enterprises and His building plans; and no one has any right to demand where he will be put to work."
- Oswald Chambers
Prayer: That I would surrender to God the things in my life that I value, that i may know him! That I would not be like the rich man in Luke 18:18-29, but be willing to surrender my life to God for the sake of knowing Him and following Him.
To value the small things! and not just have "faith" because I don't care. Learning to have faith in the small things as well
Smile :)
Jireh!
Recently, I've discovered that I am a relatively emotional individual!... growing up with a fairly emotional family and having emotional close friends, made me seem not too caring about things.. or just more laid back and stuff.. but i realized, that when something I really really care about is out of my control, that is when I get emotional! Recently a friend rebuked me! She was telling me how that just shows that I lack faith in God! When I first heard that from her, I was confused... I was like (in my head) "Faith is one of my strengths!" at least when it comes to just surrendering things to God! But after i sat down and thought about it more, my pride broke down and I realized how truly correct she was! I realized that those things I care about the MOST, I should leave in God's hands and surrender!! What is the point of worrying about them?! Nothing that I do will fix or make things better! Everything is in God's control! I realized the smaller things I had "faith" in wasn't really faith! If I don't care a lot about it in the first place, giving/surrendering it to God isn't a big deal!.. it's not even faith!... its apathy! In the same way how sacrifice isn't sacrifice unless it's something valuable! or how lost isn't lost unless it's valuable! I hope that makes sense!
so yah, I've really been learning to give up the thigns I value in my life to God... this doesn't mean I don't care about it, but rather, knowing fully that God is working and everything is under His control. Everything I have is His and the Lord gives and He takes away!
Here's an excerpt from "My utmost for His highest" that really spoke to me
"We are living in a time of tremendous enterprises, a time when we are trying to work for God, and that is where the trap is. Profoundly speaking, we can never work for God. Jesus, as the Master Builder, takes us over so that He may direct and control us completely for His enterprises and His building plans; and no one has any right to demand where he will be put to work."
- Oswald Chambers
Prayer: That I would surrender to God the things in my life that I value, that i may know him! That I would not be like the rich man in Luke 18:18-29, but be willing to surrender my life to God for the sake of knowing Him and following Him.
To value the small things! and not just have "faith" because I don't care. Learning to have faith in the small things as well
Smile :)
Jireh!
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
GRM day 2: May 6!!! Treasures
I've realized that maybe one reason why I don't desire God so much is because I don't treasure Him enough!! He is not number 1 in my life!! He is not the thing I desire most!!! And because of that, God has been showing me idols in my life which I didn't really realize were idols! Some things were obvious, others...not so much! Or they were things I've dealt with before and for some reason thought I could deal with them onto own!!! But I can't! I need God to help me deal with these things! I need him to work on my heart and to humble me daily!!! That I can see things through His eyes and not my own!!!
Prayer:
That I may treasure God!!! And really find more than enough satisfaction and joy in Him! That God would continue showing me idols in my life and just tearing them apart...especially the ones I don't want to tear away!! I pray that He will just do it if it will brings closer to Him!!
Smile :)
Jireh!!
Prayer:
That I may treasure God!!! And really find more than enough satisfaction and joy in Him! That God would continue showing me idols in my life and just tearing them apart...especially the ones I don't want to tear away!! I pray that He will just do it if it will brings closer to Him!!
Smile :)
Jireh!!
Monday, May 5, 2014
GRM: Day 1
GRF = God's refining me! been seeing these... 100 happy days! i decided to do this instead haah 100 days of God refining me days! Essentially just posting what God has been teaching me during the day/week/whatever every day! no matter how short or long, no matter how many verses are in it!... Just want to post these and see God work in and through me! :)
Theme verse:
1 Peter 1:6-9
"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
Sometimes I realize that I don't trust God enough! It's funny when you ask God to give you faith, He makes you realize that you just don't have enough faith in areas where you thought you had faith! I really need to listen to myself sometimes! and learn to have faith! and just peace in all situations! Sometimes there are things I REALLY want to have control of...like I get discouraged if I know I have no control in those areas in my life! It's weird for me cos I don't feel this way with many things, so when it happens, I sometimes mistake the feeling for something else! When things are small/don't affect me too much, I find it easy to sacrifice and give it up to God! But honestly, is that really a sacrifice?
I once heard somewhere that sacrifice is ALWAYS something you don't want to give up! It's ALWAYS something you never want to sacrifice! If you are apathetic and don't care about losing it, you are not really sacrificing it! It's sacrifice when something has value to you, and you cherish it, YET you are willing to give it up! And this is something I've been learning like crazy recently! I've been through so many emotional ups and downs these past 5 months, it's sort of ridiculous!...but all for a purpose! I know God is refining me! Even if I'm not getting everything He wants me to get atm, I know He is sovereign and has His plan! i pray that in the meantime, that I would learn to love Him and His word!
Anyways, it's just cool how related trusting God and sacrifice is!
Praying that I would be able to continue trusting God in the small things and would be able to trust God in big things in my life! That I would surrender these idols to Him and love Him more...and just let Him take care of things! :)
Prayer: That God would give me more passion and love for Him alone! To really trust God more than myself! to have a heart change and that I would see things through His eyes! That I would love what He loves and have my heart break for things that break His heart!
Smile!! :)
Jireh!
Theme verse:
1 Peter 1:6-9
"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."
Sometimes I realize that I don't trust God enough! It's funny when you ask God to give you faith, He makes you realize that you just don't have enough faith in areas where you thought you had faith! I really need to listen to myself sometimes! and learn to have faith! and just peace in all situations! Sometimes there are things I REALLY want to have control of...like I get discouraged if I know I have no control in those areas in my life! It's weird for me cos I don't feel this way with many things, so when it happens, I sometimes mistake the feeling for something else! When things are small/don't affect me too much, I find it easy to sacrifice and give it up to God! But honestly, is that really a sacrifice?
I once heard somewhere that sacrifice is ALWAYS something you don't want to give up! It's ALWAYS something you never want to sacrifice! If you are apathetic and don't care about losing it, you are not really sacrificing it! It's sacrifice when something has value to you, and you cherish it, YET you are willing to give it up! And this is something I've been learning like crazy recently! I've been through so many emotional ups and downs these past 5 months, it's sort of ridiculous!...but all for a purpose! I know God is refining me! Even if I'm not getting everything He wants me to get atm, I know He is sovereign and has His plan! i pray that in the meantime, that I would learn to love Him and His word!
Anyways, it's just cool how related trusting God and sacrifice is!
Praying that I would be able to continue trusting God in the small things and would be able to trust God in big things in my life! That I would surrender these idols to Him and love Him more...and just let Him take care of things! :)
Prayer: That God would give me more passion and love for Him alone! To really trust God more than myself! to have a heart change and that I would see things through His eyes! That I would love what He loves and have my heart break for things that break His heart!
Smile!! :)
Jireh!
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
wow! my small group leader just had a baby today!!!
iuno why, it's just so amazing seeing new life!!! God is truly amazing!! *sigh* I'm thankful cos seeing these things sort of give me a desire to work harder in school!! I desire a family!...a wife and kids! I don't know when that will happen, but i'm excited to see how God will work through everything!! Can't wait to look back and see how God writes my love story! :) I just know it's going to be so beautiful!
Jireh! :)
iuno why, it's just so amazing seeing new life!!! God is truly amazing!! *sigh* I'm thankful cos seeing these things sort of give me a desire to work harder in school!! I desire a family!...a wife and kids! I don't know when that will happen, but i'm excited to see how God will work through everything!! Can't wait to look back and see how God writes my love story! :) I just know it's going to be so beautiful!
Jireh! :)
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
How is God's love so deep? I have no idea! I still don't understand how He can continue loving us after we have rejected Him so many times...it's ridiculous!! it truly is crazy love!...man that hurt, when you try to reach out to someone and they make it seem as if they don't care, or reject it or something...how does God bear with that every single day that I live?
Every single day, I sin, I disobey God, I reject God, I am ashamed of God, I dishonour God, I hurt God...yet everyday, He loves me infinitely! I was going to say more and more, but what more is there than infinite when His love already is infinite?!
Man, my heart is so heavy right now...I don't understand God's love for me. I don't understand other ppl sometimes... But i need to learn how to love those people with God's unfathomable love...and I really pray that the love He has poured out on me can be poured out onto others even when it's hard...The cross was no joke! It was not easy! Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might be us to God!
then i prayed
Jireh!
Every single day, I sin, I disobey God, I reject God, I am ashamed of God, I dishonour God, I hurt God...yet everyday, He loves me infinitely! I was going to say more and more, but what more is there than infinite when His love already is infinite?!
Man, my heart is so heavy right now...I don't understand God's love for me. I don't understand other ppl sometimes... But i need to learn how to love those people with God's unfathomable love...and I really pray that the love He has poured out on me can be poured out onto others even when it's hard...The cross was no joke! It was not easy! Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might be us to God!
then i prayed
Jireh!
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