I think feeling hurt is okay.
Just gotta stay JoyfulJireh even when times are difficult and confusing and when life sort of throws curveballs at u yah know? haha :)
Gotta love even when it's hard!  And gotta persist no matter what!

I think this is sort of what defines us as christians! taking joy in trials when all you wanna do is feel sorry for yourself.  And loving when you don't think ppl deserve your love.

Thinking of Christ always humbles me and reminds me of who I need to be.  Sometimes I see that gap...how far I am from being a good imitator of Him, then I remember to just press on and persevere because it is not for me, but for Him.  God is sovereign and knows what's best so I must press on and live my life to bring Him glory!  It's so true that we don't deserve to have God's love...but His grace is so abounding and His love never-ending.  He chose me and it brings me to my knees in worship with thanksgiving.  Things of this earth are so temporary...pain, money, pleasure, suffering, happiness, sadness, w/e...temporary things.

I really pray that God will use me to be a light.  1 Peter 2:12 - "Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us."

you are loved

so i was just thinking about Jesus LOLOL and how he love us!
it's just so amazing!!! and I actually find it amazing how he loves us even though sometimes, we do not reciprocate!!! and the thing is, I don't deserve ANY of His love!! legit...nothing!  what do I deserve? LOL romans 6:23!!! but because of Jesus, and His righteousness imputed on me, I can have life! and even with this new life, sometiems i catch myself running from Him! not right now, but sometimes I see it! and honestly, i dont really know how to describe it! but God's pursuit of me is SO encouraging to me!  and His pursuit for those that don't know Him yet!! although they deny God...although their hearts are hardened, God still pursues and loves!

God I ask you to teach me how to love like you love! and to be able to love my future wife like you love me!  God i ask you to help me to continue pursuing her everyday even after marriage...just how you pursue me everyday! haha i feel like i blogged about this a little while ago, but it really clicked this time! and God used it to encourage me now!!! haha I still need to meditate on it more!! i feel like the Spirit wants to tell me more! :) i'm excited for tonight!! :) kkk so here are two songs for you!! one more relavant to this topic than the other! LOOL but i love BOTH of these songs!!!

How He Loves

Don't give up! (you are loved)

Hope you're all doing well! :)

While I'm waiting!

So...like i said...God is amazing!! today, i was praying to Him then I took a nap LOL! then i woke up...slowly! in the mean time, i guess my computer was playing random worship songs from Songza! and "While I'm Waiting" came on...and i'm like...WOW! thanks God! hahaa thanks for helping me know what i need to do!!! cos.. i guess its hard sometimes!! but yeah! during this time of trial, i need to be steadfast! and wait on God! and like while i'm waiting, I'll worship Him and serve Him!!! not just wiggle my fingers and chill!  I WILL SERVE YOU AND WORSHIP YOU ALONE!! mmmm
man it was encouraging!

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord


this is so powerful!!!

anyways, Smile! :)

Jan 20

So yesterday was such a really great day!! overall, i guess this weekend was pretty intense/great! HAHA!

Background story: God convicted me of something last week...and around thursday or friday night I'm like..."God, thankyou for giving me your discernment/wisdom.  I know what you want me to do so I will not doubt you! I am ready for any trials you want to give me!" LOL probably should have stopped before the last sentence, LOL, but i have no regrets! Saturday, low and behold, God's like..."Jireh, I'm going to test you" and i'm like dannnnnngggg!!! and i guess saturday was sort of not that happy, but at the same time, happy!  I didn't really get much work done that day, but I spent all day with God and it was good!  I had a lot to pray and think about...so i really needed that day! I was walking back home from the rec center and I was like.. GOD, you I need a sport where I can pray for to You! lol and He showed me a spot!! AHHA so jokes!! anyways so after i finished praying, I sat up and was ready to read my bible when i saw 2 crazy asian girls! lol i was like.. those ppl are weird but when they got closer, they were my friends! AHHHA so jokess!! anyways, here's a pic of my prayer spot!! (i would legit just lie down/sit and pray!)

but yeah! i guess even though I had a lot of time to pray and talk to God, I was sort of.. :/ sad? LLOL i guess!! just not feeling THAT good i guess! lol cos i really was not expecting God to test me that soon! haha but it's goood!! logically, in my mind, I'm glad whatever happened happened, but honestly, I preferred to have held off on this if I could have! but then, like i said, in the end, i guess i'm glad it all happened!  Anyways, the background was to tell you that currently, as of saturday, I'm being tested/under trial and it's difficult!! but i need to persist because I know what I am doing is for God's glory and I know that He has an ultimate plan that will in the end, glorify Him! but yeah! I was still sort of emotional! haha kkk

Sunday: I guess I woke up the next morning feeling alright... I was like "I guess I'm ready and I'll just have to continue praying and persisting for a while/until the time is over...which will probably be a while...but that's okay...because i have the hope that God will glorify himself through this and that I will get to know him a lot better through this as well" anyways, so i go into worship and all I can say is that it was SOOO EMOTIONAL for me! I really felt God moving in me and saying "Jireh, I'm here for you! I love you...I know these times will be hard for you, but continue doing what you are doing and remember your faith and remember that I love you more than anything!...I care for you!" Essentially what physically happened was during worship, they played the 3 songs that impacted me so much last semester...."lay me down", "forever reign" and "all i have is christ"...and what was crazy was the fact that they were played consecutively!!! like... those 3 in a row! they weren't even split or anything! and its not like it was 3/5 of the songs that impacted me a lot last semester...it was 3/3!!! ora ctually 3/2 LOL cos the first 2 impacted me the most...but the last one impacted me a lot too!! and it was just soo moving!! I guess during the song "lay me down", i was sort of tearing up becaseu I felt like God was talking to me and confirming me that what I am doing is good! cos I'm laying down my life!  through this trial, I'm literally leaving everything to God's hands because there is NOTHING I can do about anything that happens during this time...all I can do is have faith and give everything to God....so that was already pretty moving! near the end of the song, i was tearing up..but not crying! then..."forever reign" started playing....DANG! LOL before i even started singing, streams of tears started to come out of my eyes! I was like.. what are the chances?! lol God is so amazing!!! and then there was a pause in the music where this woman just shared and at that time, i stopped crying! and then they continued the song and I was emotional, but my crying ceased! :) and i'm like.. okay that was embarrassing, but it's okay! and then "all i have is Christ" started and i'm like.. OHH MYY!! then i started crying again!! u know how in dramas the tear just falls from the eyes and rolls down your face? .. thats def what happened to me! not cos i was sad, but sooo moved my the Spirit! and so touched!! and God was reminding me that All i have is Christ! and that He alone is sufficient for me!!! I dont need anything else! and at the time, even now, it's still so touching! becasue i'm letting go of my pride and laying things down to God and saying.. "God, do what you want...my GOAL and HOPE is to GLORIFY YOU ALONE! not me! but you only!  All i want and all i need is you!  I don't need anything of this world stuff!...only you! and yea so i was crying throughout most of that song! then a short movie thing played! and it was EPIC!!!! it showed me the wonderfulness and awesomeness of God...and just how Boss He is!!!! like.. he created EVERYTHING!...like everything! yet, He cares enough about me to actually comfort me!! and he knew exactly how to do it!  like it was soo real to me because he JUST comforted me 2 mins ago! right then and there! and i'm like..WOOOOW... God, you are so awesome!
Anyways, later on that day...I was napping and I guess God wanted to wake me up, and he literally showed me "Waken, Gorgeous" LOLOL He thinks i'm beautiful! .. that is amazing tooo!!! haha hmm and then after that.. randomly, my mom calls me! LOl and she asks me how she can pray for me!! Honestly, after yesterday, i am fully convinced that the convictions I've had last week were God-breathed and Spirit-led! Saturday was the beginning of my trial, and I told God what I was going to do and on sunday, he was like "Jireh, I'm here to encourage you!...although there may be no earthly thing that can encourage you at the moment, and although things from the view of the earth seems discouraging, I am encouraging you with my Spirit!" and honestly, it was crazy!!!! :):) I don't think God has ever felt that real to me before!! but yeah! I thank God so much for speaking to me! and comforting me!  I know this time ahead I have is tough! but i have the hope of glorifying God and that is what is keeping me going!

mmm yeah i think thats it for now!
here are the songs! if you want to listen to them! :)

Lay me down

Forever Reign

All I have is Christ